The fear of exhibitionism and its crippling effects on writing

The pen shivers as it hovers over the page. Will my words be construed in their true intended meaning? Of course I don’t mean to portray my feelings on a hyper magnified scale to the point of exaggeration; by no means do I even remotely suggest that the kind of love I feel is unheard of in the annals of history, for instance. Writing is not intended to be a marketing campaign for the writer; as aware as I am of that, of late, the realization dawns on me that this consciousness may be crippling my writing style.

This thought was sown in my mind by Viktor Frankl, who has outlined his own approach to his fear of exhibitionism in the introduction to “Man’s search for Meaning.” Viktor simply says that the possibility of being misconstrued, the possibility of being considered a hyperbole, the possibility of subjective interpretation of events etc is an inherent danger that the writer has to learn to live with; in particular, it is not for the writer to grapple with these challenges because they will be but a distraction and a deterrent in way of his achieving cohesion between his thoughts and his written words. Rather, it is the responsibility of the reader to sift through the material of the writer, keeping in mind the subjective elements, the hyperboles, biases and interpretations the writer may or may not have intended. As with the writer, he too has the freedom to interpret the writing the way he wants; but as with the writer, he has the duty as well not to inflict responsibility on the writer for the way he construes his words.

This way of thinking clears my clogged creative faculties and paves the way forward. After all, if I feel she is as radiant as the Sun, as beautiful as the night sky, as charming, witty and lovely as loving, caring and trusting, that’s just how I feel — irrespective of whether a million men before me jotted similar words, irrespective of whether they sound like the delusions of a dreamy writer, irrespective of whether a disinterested reader picks it up and goes, ‘meh!’ — irrespective of all that, its just how I feel, and I have to learn to respect my feelings and stop stifling my creativity.

So go out there. Venture. Don’t be afraid to be scarred, misunderstood, unnoticed — just let your pen find its freedom in a jumble of unfettered words.

(Originally written on Jan 22, 2019)